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Pages: Long Story [1]
Author Topic: Long Story
barnett

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2011-02-08 11-33-01

Long Story I'm about 3/4 out. I tell anyone and every ..with the exception of my mom's side of the family. They are Christian, ultra conservative, almost crazy in their southerness. So I still have that foot in the closet and it is getting uncomfortable. I told my Dad, my brother, my sister...years ago. My mom and I have never discussed it. I used to go through great pains to keep her from finding out. Now, I live with my girlfriend and we share a bedroom. I decided that I wasn't going to hide anything, or worry. No more wondering if someone told her everytime she sounded weird on the ph No more freaking out that she was never going to talk to me again. If that was her choice...well...so be it. My Dad told me this weekend that she had talked to him about it, asking if he thought my gf and I were together. He said yes. This happened about or months ago. She hasn't talked to me about it, but she seems to accept my gf. I don't know if she wants me to tell her, but I get the feeling she just wants to stick her head in the sand and ignore it. I feel like she is missing out on my life, but I don't want to force the issue with her, but that big chunk of life that we don't discuss puts a distance between us. I wish that we had grown up somewhere else so maybe the "going to hell" part wasn't quite so ingrained, and maybe she would have more experience with gay and lesbian individuals. I hate being the first gay person my Mom has known.
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ruhle

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2011-02-10 22-40-03

Did your Dad say how she reacted after he said yes? i think that would say a lot about how she feels about this whole thing.
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krick

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2011-02-10 23-53-24

He said "She asked me if I thought the of you were together and I said I know they are. I can't lie to your Mama, I don't think she likes it, but she is dealing with it. She don't talk about it though." My dad is kinda country.
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oien

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2011-02-11 2-23-14-

Well, clearly, she already knew, even before asking your Dad and she hasn't thrown you out of her life so she's accepted the truth on some level. Maybe when you speak with her, you could just keep letting her know how happy you are, that your life is full of love and how wonderful that is. I mean, I wouldn't make a huge deal about it, but I know that my Mom's concern was that as a lesbian, I'd never be able to have a happy, fulfilling life and that I'd always be marginalized. Of course, my mother isn't Christian, but she does worry about these things.
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guglielmi

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2011-02-12 0-49-01-

I agree with IWT, no need to have a conversation with her until she is ready, she already knows. Let her process it and see how happy your life is, let her come to terms with it in her own way. I think at some point she will bring the subject up with you. Carry on, no harm no foul on either side.
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prescher

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2011-02-13 4-52-37-

i am glad that you can talk to your dad like that. It has always been difficult for me to be open to my parents in some levels. Your Mom probably felt it, got confirmation from you dad, maybe you should just let her know that you are happy where you are in life...and see how the conversation progresses from there
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kray

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2011-02-23 21-37-45

Coming out to my Dad was pretty easy The conversation went like. Dad- Can I ask you a question? Me- Yes Dad-...Are you a lesbian? Me- Yes. Dad- I figured. of his brothers, whom I never met is gay. He died before I was born. He comes from a catholic household, but he is a pretty open and accepting guy.
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eckhoff

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2011-03-24 3-53-51-

we suspect my aunt is, to date she has not confirmed to denied. I think this is where i got the "don't ask, don't tell" rule. My mom is still in complete denial and just claims they are just "friends" my Aunt is in her late x's. So the thought of me coming out is completely shot.
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gonet

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2011-05-09 12-37-05

All hope is not lost, I know a woman that came out when she turned x.
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  • ilgenfritz

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    2011-07-10 1-06-10-

    yes hope is always there i know i hope to do so someday...
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  • annis

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    2011-07-30 6-19-11-

    well.... Your dad confirmed that your mom knows so she must need time to process this or she would have come to you to talk about it. We all have the ability to deny facts and this is of those facts, at this point, you mom wants/needs to come to grips with on her terms. Continue to love and support her as only a daughter can. Coming out and accepting differences are both processes and they take time.
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    witten

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    2011-08-29 10-59-35

    Your dad sounds great. I'm beginning to think that accepting out family members is a lot like coming out as a gay person. You can't make someone come out who isn't ready to be out, and you can't force/rush others into accepting it either. There are some people who will *never* come out, and some who will never accept gay family members, but I think they're really in the thin minority. Like you being x/x out, I guess there are varying degrees of acceptance too. I wish my parents were *really* accepting, PFLAG folks, but I'm happy that they're accepting of me in general. They aren't political activists and they don't talk about their gay daughter to anyone, but they love me and accept my gf into their home. My gf has yet to put a name to our relationship to her parents, but she's worked up to talking about me to them in terms of "I spent the holidays with FD, I helped her move, we spent Xmas dinner with a friend of hers," etc.
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  • sunwei

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    2011-10-17 0-15-35-

    When my girlfriend told her mom Her mom said "I hope you don't expect me to march in parades!" Apparently she had just watched a documentary where parents were found out their son was gay so they marched with him in a gay pride parade. Thank you, my Dad is kind of great. It's nice to be so close with him now.
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  • delponte

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    2011-12-14 23-20-00

    Honestly, I don't know if I'd be comfortable with my parents marching in Pride! Mom run away - there are NAKED people there!
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  • milstead

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    2012-02-01 3-33-30-

    I've never been able to go to My city doesn't have one, and I have never made it to anywhere else. x is my year for pride parades.
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  • mendolia

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    2012-04-01 11-51-51

    are you anywhere near Toronto? I've been bugging IWT to get her purty bum up here foryears! I fantasize about Pride in San Francisco.
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    kesling

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    2012-05-01 0-16-26-

    Pride in SF is awesome An absolute must for any healthy red-blooded queer, especially the young. Dykes on bikes - nothing compares to witnessing that kind of woman power ! All ages, colors, shapes and sizes. Simply spectacular.
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    gassmann

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    2012-05-07 22-51-13

    I hate to admit it but I've never been for some reason I don't feel like I totally belong there. Which is weird because I've always done political stuff ( either feminist or LGBT) since I was a teenager and I never feel out of place or get crowdphobia then.
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    hollander

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    2012-08-06 3-36-17-

    The parade can be a bit much There are so many contingencies representing so many aspects of life, culture and society that it's hard to imagine there isn't something for every But of course it isn't for every It's changed a lot over the years. I think the lastI went to was x, maybe x, and boy the 'color' certainly got brigher over the years. Once you've seen that though, unless it's your thing, it doesn't really need to be seen again. I marched several years with a church, once with the company I was working for, and then watched for a couple of years and then I guess just got old enough to feel like I didn't need to see it any more.
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  • flesch

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    2012-10-09 17-23-51

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    doffing

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    2012-11-19 2-35-36-

    At my old job our boss made a lot of extremely demeaning comments about the gay man there ( limpwristed impressions, ing him a fag) so I outed myself and complained to him in private. I guess he was worried about being sued because the company donated money to a gay group and he encouraged everybody to go to Pride to represent our company. The ironic thing is he didn't bother to go and neither did I . A group of straight people (x women, x guy) went to show support for the mocked but well liked gay coworker. They had a great time and came back with t-shirts, photos and a few phone numbers.
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    heifner

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    2012-11-24 6-49-40-

    Oh geeze, that's too ironic It'd be funny if it weren't ultimately a story about people being treated badly simply because of who they are. But the whole straight co-worker group going to pride and getting numbers is pretty ironic and funny. I can undestand your aversion to the event. Do you still work for that boss?
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  • heil

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    2012-12-16 11-05-37

    Oh no I happily quit later And I only told the gay man after he left to work elsewhere. He told me if he had known there would have been a confrontation and he would have quit. The good news is Hetrick Martin institute got $x,x out of it. The nice straight people were so adorable. Afterwards they were always telling me how much they liked Melissa Etheridge and Ellen. They claimed Pride was even more fun but similar to the Greenwich Village Halloween Parade.
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  • Teresa

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    2013-01-30 3-30-56-

    That is *so* adoreable!
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  • palazzola

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    2013-03-07 11-35-14

    I fantasise about a group marching in a Pride somewhere. Awesome!
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    maresco

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    2013-03-31 21-34-27

    Neither would I.
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    Thanh-Ha

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    2013-05-09 3-55-41-

    Me neither **shudder**
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  • amadon

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    2013-06-25 19-54-39

    My parents/siblings are past the pearly gates but since I have always walked with church communities--it is a little tame. But why do the CD dancers (minimally clothed) on the flatbeds with stripper poles have to "wait" right near us to enter the parade? I really think we need to have our African marching music and drums!
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  • fetsko

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    2013-08-14 15-18-12

    That is exactly what she said. She isn't very colorful that way and doesn't really enjoy loud events. I do.
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