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Pages: Been married over 30 yrs. We live apart [1]
Author Topic: Been married over 30 yrs. We live apart
butka

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Posts: 4

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2011-02-20 22-19-21

Been married over 30 yrs. We live apart for divorce. She had affairs, I had affairs, neither one of us were faithful. Problem: I still love her. When we were together I blamed her for many things. Now that we are apart, I never saw what a good woman she really is. She really did go out of her way to please me and take care of me. Now that my eyes have opened, I'm trying to date her. She's making a good go of it, but deep down I feel something is missing from her. She's enjoying her life on her own more than I am. She's got hobbies, new friends. She hasn't alienated me totally but I feel her life is moving ahead, when I want us to move toward returning back together. We are amicable toward one another. There are times when we are together that I feel such an inner peacefulness, but I'm not feeling it from her. Any ideas? She doesn't disappear for days. I arrive at her house unannounced and she doesn't seem to mind.
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zody

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2011-03-16 23-00-13

i know what is missing from her a bullet hole from ear to ear
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cribbs

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2011-04-02 5-11-07-

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sapone

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2011-05-29 5-29-54-

She is definitely letting someone else blow her in the stink, while you only get the pink.
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  • gingerich

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    Posts: 3

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    2011-07-07 4-35-11-

    Wrong, she allows me to do that it wasn't until we separated before I realized she is a good woman. I never realized that before. I feel like a fool. I was cold, not a very kind man to her. I don't blame her for affairs, I wasn't giving her what she wanted. I hate them too. Now all I want is her back at my side. I use to tell our friends what a great catch I am, I'm a sought after male. What I hadn't realized was she is more of a commodity than I am. Many of my own friends want to date her. I know, don't tell me, I'm a fool for leaving her.
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    stocke

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    2011-07-08 0-53-12-

    She's had enough of your BS and is moving very cautiously. Shes finally doing what she wants to do and doesn't have time to be dotting over a husband that she spoiled for years. Thats whats missing. She aint your maid anymore and she's loving it! And if she dating you, she at least still likes you. Just doesn't want to be tied down to you because she has her own life now.
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  • aaron

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    2011-08-13 21-25-11

    Agreed, she probably waited on him hand and foot and now that she doesn't have to do it anymore, it's liberating. I know that feeling all too well. She stayed with you for x years? Wow! She gave up much of her life to make you happy and it wasn't enough. Now you're apart and you want her back. Personally, I think you just want you little slave back. My ex was the same. I did just about everything for him and now that I have my own freedom, I wouldn't give it up for anything. And not having to worry about keeping him happy, even better. Sorry to be so blunt dude, but that's just the way it tis. Feell good that she allows your ass to come by whenever, so she doesn't have a new man, yet... She's finding out who she is right now. I can tell you she won't be the same person if you two do get back together. She will have a few demands of you and I can bet you won't like them.
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    barkman

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    2011-09-22 6-23-33-

    Who is taking care of your lazy ass in the picture?
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  • janczak

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    2011-10-01 7-00-30-

    I'm doing fine all by myself but the world without the one you love.
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    favorite

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    Posts: 33

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    2011-11-12 9-46-18-

    Does she know how you feel? Does she toward you? Why don't you give her time to herself and allow her to enjoy her new freedom? Are you afraid she'll never return to be with you?
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  • glinka

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    2011-12-31 6-45-11-

    She says she's enjoying what we have right to herself but when the weekends come, I want her with me. Something tells me that if she starts to date, some lucky guy will win her heart and I will never get another chance.
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    cancilla

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    2012-02-04 18-01-08

    Rejection hurts dude, many of us have been there. Swallow your pride and either take what you can get or let her go. Maybe she will realize that she really does love you, maybe not, but you're not doing her any favors by forcing to be somewhere she really could care less to be.
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    schoon

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    Posts: 16

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    2012-04-11 0-08-48-

    neitherhasfield Why trying so hard to find something that is not there. You now seem to be pressuring her to give you or to feel something for you that is not there. Regardless how much you feel for her, how much you still love her, doesn't it occur to you maybe you weren't meant to be with each other? You have to choices, x) you can enjoy the very little she is now giving you and be happy and content with that, or x) you can just move on with your life without her in it.
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  • treder

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    Posts: 15

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    2012-07-07 5-39-45-

    Man I can feel your pain..But this will be harsh STOP!!!!!!!!! YOu were together for x years for gods sake. There is no doubt that she still has love for you but your time together has come to an end. If you want to torment yourself continue to stay around she will let you cause she has a long past with you and will always feelings for you but right now is her time to find herself and there is no telling what she will find and like. And it will hurt worse when you are there trying so hard just to be thein the end who "loses out" on that great girl. If you really love her and want whats best for her and not you give her the space to go out and find herself. YES she will date others and who knows what will happen. But if she truely loves you she will go out do her thing and MAYBE realize that what she really wants is you. BUT if you pressure her you will find yourself on the outs with her. My suggestion to you is get out have fun learn to get by without her and actually have some fun. If you can get to place where you enjoy your life without her then your ahead of the game because if she does want to come back it will because of what she wants and if she doesnt well your already out there living your new life. Just my opinion but in my case when she came back after a year saying she loved me I had already found that I love my life and did not her part of it.
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    Tomasine

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    Posts: 12

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    2012-08-01 10-13-21

    Your words are harsh but true I need to let her go, not her so much (I daily). Sometimes she's receptive and other times, she makes me feel like I'm bothering her. It's those times, I get off the phone, rush to her house only to find her painting, working in the yard, etc. It just feels that she has found it easy to move on without me and I can't seem to do the same. As for dating, I only want to date her. How do you tell your heart no. I know I really fucked up but I'm willing to do anything to make it work. It seems the more I pull her toward me, the more she pulls away.
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  • geisler

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    Posts: 23

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    2012-10-09 11-43-15

    man you're gonna find shit hurts and hurts bad I know this is not what you want to hear but you seem desperate for this woman and if I can tell just from your writing imagine how you are coming off to her. Once again man live YOUR life and let her be. Even if your depressed oeave her alone and she what see does. At this point you have made your intentions to her clear and now all you can do it sit back and try to enjoy your life. Time will tell what happens in this situation and you will be better served to start doing things you like. You know like x yr old years who like it in the ass!!!! I promise you as good as she is there is younger, tighther, better in bed woman than her and most of the women around that age like the FWB which is a win win situation.
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  • Schyndel

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    Posts: 21

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    2012-11-01 13-07-49

    Sex was never a problem between us fwbs is the sex isn't all that. Had a few and eventually the women want more. I have done young chicks, older chicks. The young ones are hot, but that's all they are. Not much upstairs. My wife is funny, attractive, a very passionate lover, intelligent, has a career. She's well liked by everyone that meets her. Very eloquent. She didn't become a fat bitch either. I haven't metwoman who remotely comes close to my wife. Having a temporary friend gets old.
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    hume

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    2012-11-11 8-56-37-

    understandable I guess you fucked up and have to live with it. Sorry man
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  • eugene

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    2012-12-27 8-14-35-

    I know. I'm going to give her the space what she wants to do. Something tells me that the more space I give her, the more I will lose her. Terrible lesson to learn.
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    goldwater

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    2013-02-11 9-30-03-

    YOu never know. WHat thats saying If you love something let it go and if comes back it was meant to be but if not bury her under the pool. hahahah just kidding but you know what i mean
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  • sinkfield

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    Posts: 64

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    2013-03-17 13-09-17

    You got what you deserved there bud.
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  • Adey

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    2013-04-01 0-52-04-

    She feel sorry for you Because she is such a good woman. But your instincts are right- it's gone for her. I also don't think your motivation is about her, either. It's still all about you, how lonely you are. She knows if you got back together it'd be the same shit within months. And she knows her own worth, and she doesn't need a "great catch" for it. You blew it, and now you feel sorry for yourself. Not attractive.
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    chaires

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